When I was growing up I didn’t have any examples of healthy intimate relationships to emulate thus by grade 7 (start of high school) I began to lean on Mills & Boon, Harlequin, cliché romantic movies and magazines to give me that foundation or knowledge of what love is or should be – sad right? Yeah, I know it is.
In my teenage years, the foundation from those materials obviously was not stable nor strong so my relationships were always a unhealthy, hot mess. After getting my first real heartbreak at 19 I decided I had to figure out why I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE, GIVE AND RECEIVE HEALTHY LOVE. 2+ years later here is what I can say:
- Love yourself, value yourself and put yourself at the top of your priority list: I used to roll my eyes at those Instagram and Facebook posts about self-love and loving yourself first before anything, well jokes on me because those posts were right: FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF FIRST! When you love yourself and see your own value/worth then you know what you deserve, and you will never settle for less. I didn’t love myself during my teenage years, I hated how I looked physically, those insecurities made it hard to believe I deserved love, it made me settle for questionable love from guys who were below par.
- Stay away from broken love and persons: my ass was a Bob the Builder when it came to broken men and relationships, I always thought I could fix him or make him better but THAT’S NOT MY JOB! This can also emotionally and mentally destroy you so allow a man or woman to fix themselves, let them heal themselves and make themselves better because that’s something only they can do. I’m not saying you shouldn’t stay with someone who is flawed cause we all are but there is a difference between a human flaw and a toxic flaw, if it is toxic then you know what to do.
- Sometimes YOU ARE THE PROBLEM: you can be the unhealthy person in a relationship and when this happens take a step back and perform that self-awareness evaluation: what am I doing, why am I doing it and how can I fix or change what I am doing. It is important to heal from the things that hurt you this way that hurt does not develop into something destructive and makes you hard to deal with in a relationship.
- Accept good and healthy love: give to Caesar what is due to Caesar, if you have someone who loves you and it is healthy and not draining then accept it don’t use past experiences to deal with a present relationship, your current partner doesn’t deserve that. They didn’t break you stop treating them like they did!
THIS POST IS FOR ANYONE IN LOVE, STRUGGLING TO FIND LOVE, RECEIVE LOVE, GIVE LOVE OR DOESN’T BELIEVE LOVE IS FOR THEM. YOU DESERVE IT!
THIS WEEK’S RECOMMENDATION
Marshmello, Halsey ‘Be Kind‘, this song is about what I just stated above about accepting good and healthy love and it is a relatable song, well for me it is. The video is also a good watch and I love Halsey her voice is unique.
Summer Walker ‘Session 32’, if you are not over a certain love of your life this song is going to make you remember him or her, but I think it’s therapeutic – healing- even. Sometimes certain men/women don’t deserve you and this song makes it known.