Yesterday I woke up at 6:30 a.m. it was a normal day and not once did anything feel out of place. Maybe me getting ready to start the day before my mom and little sister was the only extraordinary thing I could think of at 7:05 a.m. that morning before we left home.
We dropped off my sister at school (very early, 7:25 a.m.) and I was accompanying my mom to her interview scheduled for 8:30 a.m. We had time so we were cruising, talking and smiling. It was the first time in 24 hours that I could do that because the night before my partner and I had a little lovers quarrel and you know how that can make you feel.
It’s 7:45/7:47-ish and we’re driving down the hill road that is Scotts Hill, my mom makes a joke and I smile. In my head I said ‘maybe everything is going to be alright’ then within seconds I hear my mom annoyingly say “what is this woman doing on my side of the road” and then BOOM!
I heard tires screeching, brakes pumping to a stop, air bags deployed and felt a hit so sudden and instant for my mind to comprehend. By the time I realize it was a car accident my mom was already outside crying and I was in the car just sitting. I took myself out of the car, sat on the sidewalk and just cried my eyes out, not from the pain but from sheer disbelief.
I thought about my little sister and the fact that she could have lost two people she loves and who love her endlessly. I thought about my best friend who was my anchor and I was his ship. I thought about my close friends who have been there with me for years upon years. I thought about my family, we just lost my grandpa, they wouldn’t be able to handle anything else. I thought about my partner and how I didn’t say reassuring things after our disagreement, I didn’t like how we left our conversation and it could have been our last.
I thought about the lady driving the car recklessly in the middle of a two-way road and how her actions could have directly killed two people and indirectly affect the lives of our family, friends, partners and those who knew us.
The tears never stopped, I cried throughout the day. I cried at the realization that it could have been my last day and I wasn’t satisfied with how my life was up to that point. There were things I wanted and needed to do but I always felt I had time. God reminded me ‘I don’t have time, I’m on his clock and my hour could strike whenever he sees it fit’. This is my second chance to do life differently and put me first and stop hiding from a lot of things.
Tears streaming down my face I beg God to lead me cause I refuse to lean on my own understanding. I told my mom I’m gay (a lesbian) in the waiting room of the hospital. I told myself, I’m going to choose her more. I told my present we have to do better.
I’m safe and sound, I’m home. A few scratches, a head pounding headache from time to time and a lot of body pain and sore feeling but the x-rays said I’m okay and I’ll be fine. I thought I had time before yesterday but I realize I didn’t. Today I’m just grateful and taking nothing for granted.