After a full weekend of crying, mental breakdowns, numbness, slowness and constant replays of a car accident I didn’t feel like fully processing, I realized I’m in pieces. The ugly truth I refused to acknowledge is I have unasked for trauma now. Undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) maybe?
I’ve been in pieces since Thursday’s event and it’s been hard to deal with not knowing how to feel. Everything happened so fast that as a defense mechanism, my brain became stationary and slowed everything down right after the shock subsided. I’m still not okay and I’ve already swallowed my pride and asked for professional help because I need it.
It’s been a rough year for me as mentioned in my Sunshine Blogger Award Q&A and this accident was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’ve been wallowing but after accepting that I am traumatize, I ask myself what happens next?
Trying to heal, while trying to grieve, while trying to live, while trying to dream, while trying to smile, while trying to give love, while trying to be love.Unknown quote from Instagram
I guess what’s next is picking up the pieces and finding healing. I know I don’t want to remain in this constant state of trauma and stationary feeling. I know I need to talk more about how I’m feeling to myself and others and refrain from harbouring unexpressed thoughts and feelings. I know the people around me love me and I need to let them be there for me. I know everything won’t be okay overnight but I’m willing to try to help myself mend.
Writing all this feels like a nice release, not surprising since writing has always been therapeutic for me.
How are you feeling?