After listening to Lewis Capaldi Before You Go today, I cried . . . the loud, tears streaming down my face and praying to God type of crying. Don’t be alarm, I’m doing okay-ish I just had a moment where I needed to release the unreleased. If crying was an extracurricular activity, it would be one I participate in frequently. I love a good cry.
If you haven’t watched Lewis Capaldi Before You Go then you need to! The song speaks volumes and was written in remembrance of his aunt who committed suicide. The video is amazing, it follows this girl who helps everyone and is a constant for them. She’s a good sister, girlfriend, friend and person overall. She’s there for them and that’s something you’ll see throughout the video. In the end, she commits suicide because despite being there for everyone else, she was battling internal struggles.
I empathize with her, the ability to take care of everyone else around her while internally suffering. I’ve been feeling like I should be doing more, should be accomplishing more and doing more in my person life. That feeling of wanting more and failing has been ever-present in my mind since around January. I feel I’m behind from my own point of view and that feeling usually leads to me feeling purposeless.
Previous suicidal attempts and depressive episodes has taught me to lean on the people around me for support and pray extra hard while also taking time for myself. For some reason, I haven’t made the time to do all that until today. So I cried first and now I’m going to lean on my circle for support because I need it.
Just When the Caterpillar Thought the World Was Over it Became a ButterflyChuang Tzu
Being this transparent on my blog has me a little nervous but my life isn’t all happy and good moments, so I have to share the good, bad and not-so-great. This will be my only post for this week, I’m taking a mini break until next week Wednesday.
Stay safe everyone, check on your circle of people or check in with someone if you’re feeling less than stellar today. Enjoy the rest of your week!