It’s hard to let go of anything that you truly care for or anything that is deeply embedded in you. It could be a habit, a certain mindset, a friend, family member or even a romantic partner. It’s a difficult task to detach and leave it behind.
I had this addicting biting my nails habit, embedded in me from around 2 or 3 years old and stayed with me until I was 17 maybe. I couldn’t stop biting my nails, it gave me a weird sense of comfort. My nails would be aching from my daily bites but I wouldn’t stop, better yet I didn’t want to stop. When I overdosed around 17 and had to stay in the hospital for a few days, nail biting became difficult. The doctors didn’t want me putting anything in my mouth and the tube down my throat made everything uncomfortable so I stopped biting my nails for a few days.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into mouths. I lost my comfort but grew my nails. While pretty nails are amazing, I miss the comfort biting my nails gave me. I didn’t want to let go of my nail biting habit. I lost a part of me when I stopped but also gained self-discipline.
Was it worth it? Some days, yes. Other days, no.
I’m not fond of letting go of anything. This might be due to the fact that I don’t let much in or attach myself to much things or people so when I do form habits or attachments I tend to never want to let them go. You would need the jaws of life to pry me away. I hold on so tight, too tight.
The sad thing about life and growing is you have to give some things up and some things you get to keep. I can’t say it’s fair because I still don’t enjoy the process. In the back of my mind I guess I’m still wondering, why do I have to let it go?