I haven’t been blogging because I’m uninspired and completely burntout from work. My job has long hours that make me wish I was anywhere else but there. For months now, I’ve been trying to keep it together.
It was hard for me to accept that a lot of things weren’t making me happy. It wasn’t an easy pill to swallow for me. With a few weeks until my 24th birthday, I decided to make drastic changes which have severe reactions. Honestly, I’m happy but sad at the same time (lots of mixed emotions). Doing more of what I want feels weird because I’ve people pleased my whole life.
Soooooo . . . I resigned from my job. I know, I know, I know. BIG move, I know. Everyday, I sit at my desk and I imagine this very simple life for myself. By now, you guys know I don’t want much. I’m imagining myself writing books, telling these stories that make readers smile. Writing my blog, taking my writing serious, having my own business, being more flexible with my schedule and doing something I’m passionate about.
I kept asking myself, what is stopping me from chasing my happiness? What’s stopping me from going for the life I want? The answer was simple, ME. I kept stopping myself. Neck deep in people pleasing and walking in a straight line when all I wanted was to run in a zig zag. I can’t actually run but you get the metaphor right.
So I’m here. Here is betting on myself, trusting my intuition and going for what I’m passionate about. Honestly, I’m scared. I’m afraid because I’ve been wired to think and do certain things but I read something on Instagram that keeps me going in a sense.
The post talked about a group of monkeys placed in a room. In that same room is a ladder and a bunch of bananas hanging close to it. Any time a monkey attempted to climb up the ladder, it and the other monkeys would be sprayed with cold water which they didn’t like. So none of the monkeys went for the bananas.
They would swap one of the original monkeys with a new one. The new monkey completely oblivious would try to climb the ladder. The original monkeys would attack and beat the new monkey to stop it from going for the banana. The experiment continued, originals would leave and new monkeys would come in. The same thing would happen until every monkey in that room conformed which they did.
The post ended by asking us the reader to evaluate our social systems and institutions. My mind hasn’t been the same since I’ve read it. It provoked thought and really made me evaluate myself and environment.
I don’t know what all this means for me but I’ll blog it all out because I need somewhere to lay these burdensome thoughts.
Stay safe and take care until next time 💛