My very first love affair was with books and it probably started as early as preschool. I loved how they could transport me to places far and imaginative with just the power of words. Books were my escape from reality but for the last 2 years or so I haven’t been reading enough.
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My life could be worse but at the same time it could be a lot better. I’m counting my blessings and giving thanks but I can’t help but feel annoyed with the not-so-great parts of my life.
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It is 4:23 a.m., everything feels and sounds so calm and peaceful. 2 am to 5:30 am are my favourite hours, the world is sleeping and that’s when I feel most alive and awake. I can hear my thoughts, think clearly and my writing feels more like me.
I couldn’t decide what I wanted to write about, this post was meant to be written and published on Wednesday now its turned into a written and published Thursday post. I needed rest and I like writing from a place of inspiration and not obligation.
Faith or fear?
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After watching Disney’s Encanto for the second time in two weeks, I still find myself relating more to Luisa Madrigal. Surface Pressure leaves me with no more tears left to cry simply because I am a first born and I can understand how it feels to shoulder all that pressure . . . it is HARD!
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It feels like it was just yesterday I was on my computer writing New Year, No Resolutions. It’s flabbergasting to think 365 days came and went in the blink of an eye. Every month had something new up its sleeve and it’s been quite the year.
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This should be a New Year’s Eve post yet I’m writing it on Christmas Eve and I’m okay with this. I’m publishing it as soon as I’m done writing because there are no real reasons to delay.
I’ve been struggling with a lot of things. My writer’s block. Forcing this Christmas spirit to start spiriting. Trying to find more time in 24 hours to do more for myself and those around me. Problematic personal life and hard mental days. Just overall struggling.
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Dissecting the cluttered mind belonging to Cassie (me) has been the unintentional task on my agenda since last week and even this week. I’m unsure if being unemployed and always home is doing more harm than good at this point. I laughed while actually thinking about it. Left to ponder more, I’ve been reflecting on my rises and downfalls.
A need to learn, unlearn and relearn a few things definitely exists for me.
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After a full weekend of crying, mental breakdowns, numbness, slowness and constant replays of a car accident I didn’t feel like fully processing, I realized I’m in pieces. The ugly truth I refused to acknowledge is I have unasked for trauma now. Undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) maybe?
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Yesterday I woke up at 6:30 a.m. it was a normal day and not once did anything feel out of place. Maybe me getting ready to start the day before my mom and little sister was the only extraordinary thing I could think of at 7:05 a.m. that morning before we left home.
We dropped off my sister at school (very early, 7:25 a.m.) and I was accompanying my mom to her interview scheduled for 8:30 a.m. We had time so we were cruising, talking and smiling. It was the first time in 24 hours that I could do that because the night before my partner and I had a little lovers quarrel and you know how that can make you feel.
It’s 7:45/7:47-ish and we’re driving down the hill road that is Scotts Hill, my mom makes a joke and I smile. In my head I said ‘maybe everything is going to be alright’ then within seconds I hear my mom annoyingly say “what is this woman doing on my side of the road” and then BOOM!
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Simply Janeen nominated me for this award and it’s my first time doing something like this so I’m unsure if I’m doing it correctly but onwards always, backwards never! Thank you Janeen for considering me and reading my blog, I absolutely love your blog as well. Guys please go check out her blog, it’s definitely worth the read!!
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Girl In Her Twenties 