Letting Go . . . It’s Kinda Hard

It’s hard to let go of anything that you truly care for or anything that is deeply embedded in you. It could be a habit, a certain mindset, a friend, family member or even a romantic partner. It’s a difficult task to detach and leave it behind.

I had this addicting biting my nails habit, embedded in me from around 2 or 3 years old and stayed with me until I was 17 maybe. I couldn’t stop biting my nails, it gave me a weird sense of comfort. My nails would be aching from my daily bites but I wouldn’t stop, better yet I didn’t want to stop. When I overdosed around 17 and had to stay in the hospital for a few days, nail biting became difficult. The doctors didn’t want me putting anything in my mouth and the tube down my throat made everything uncomfortable so I stopped biting my nails for a few days.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into mouths. I lost my comfort but grew my nails. While pretty nails are amazing, I miss the comfort biting my nails gave me. I didn’t want to let go of my nail biting habit. I lost a part of me when I stopped but also gained self-discipline.

Was it worth it? Some days, yes. Other days, no.

I’m not fond of letting go of anything. This might be due to the fact that I don’t let much in or attach myself to much things or people so when I do form habits or attachments I tend to never want to let them go. You would need the jaws of life to pry me away. I hold on so tight, too tight.

The sad thing about life and growing is you have to give some things up and some things you get to keep. I can’t say it’s fair because I still don’t enjoy the process. In the back of my mind I guess I’m still wondering, why do I have to let it go?

Are Your Twenties Your Hard Years?

I can’t wait to turn 25 next year so I can say I’m going through a quarter life crisis and be as dramatic about it. I’m already ranting about 23 while I’m on the verge of turning 24, just wait until I’m 25. I’ll be Dennis the Menace -insert a cool evil laugh-

I Wanted to Write a Post Today

I wanted to write a post today but I couldn’t focus on one idea long enough to turn it from thoughts in my mind to words on a blog. I have another post from Wednesday sitting in my draft that’s going to get deleted as soon as this post gets published because I don’t think it’s any good.

There were lots of idea but nothing was a complete thought. I kept going back and forth until I decided, whatever I’m meant to write will come to me (I think it did, kinda). I’ll write about my day, it wasn’t eventful but rather peaceful (see what I did there).

Today was spent in bed, I have a greater appreciation and love for my bed on weekends. I cling to it like a newborn those to its mom’s breast. My bed just feels like the right place to be! I even ate in bed which is something I don’t like to do but again it felt right. I got lost in my writing (those short stories won’t write themselves I keep telling myself) and then in Netflix. Have you ever watched The Lake House? It’s probably a very cliché, romance movie but I enjoyed every minute of it. Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves are a perfect onscreen couple and their chemistry is amazinggggg.

I thought about timing and the right timing after watching that movie. I thought about the past, present and future. I wondered. I pondered. I thought about questions I would ask my future self through letters if I could.

I would ask her, is she happy? Is life better for you now than it was when you were younger? Have you found your passion? Are you happy with the person you’re with? Do you still have your friends around? I don’t think I would want complete answers, just a simple yes or no so I wouldn’t overthink. Would you ask your future self questions if you could or am I just the only nosey one?

Today wasn’t a bad day. I had this urge to read Sally Rooney’s three popular books, buy a Polaroid camera for my birthday to just capture moments I don’t want to forget and actually finish my collection of short stories. I thought about saving up to buy a new computer instead of fixing the old one that’s in my closet collecting dust (I’m still undecided). I was all over the place in a good way today.

If you made it this far in the blog, thanks for reading my random thoughts. I hope it wasn’t too much of a rollercoaster ride. How’s your weekend going?

Life Happened

A couple more days and it would be a month since I’ve last posted something on my blog. I feel like I’ve neglected my little baby (my blog) and not writing on here has made me question a lot of things.

I’ve missed writing and missed reading the different perspectives of other bloggers. Life just happened and I couldn’t find the time to post. It’s been a struggle working a 9-5 job that takes so much of my time, energy and good headspace. By the time I’m home, I get an hour to reset then I try to spend the few hours remaining talking to my girlfriend before I fall asleep. I can’t even stay up late anymore, sleep calls me home before 10.

Doing the same thing over and over again has made me question, is working worth it? It takes away from all the things that make me happy and if I really had a choice I don’t think I would be doing it. Or maybe it’s the type of job. . . I don’t know.

Source: Instagram

I’m just not balancing everything well or as I thought I would be. It’s been affecting my already affected mental health. I’m reading this book gifted to me by another blogger, it’s called ‘Lighting Forward by Hannah Brencher’. I’m praying and I’m trying to find light in the darkness but also feeling the darkness.

Adulting isn’t easy and I can sit and complain about it – I often do. I probably will for the remainder of the year. Life has happened but I’m hoping to get back to blogging and reading other blogs sooner rather than later. I’ve really missed this.

How’s everyone doing?

Maybe I’m Happy

Usually I don’t like talking or writing about my feelings when I’m very happy. There’s this fear in me that I’ll jinx myself and end up in misery again. But why should we only talk about the bad stuff? I want to smile in the places I once cried so here’s to me smiling.

3 weeks ago I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. I wanted to make the best decisions but I wasn’t sure if I had the guts for all that glory. I’m being vague but I don’t want this post to be long. I’ll probably try to write individual posts for the different situations (fingers crossed). Anyways I chose to have guts, faith in God and trust my intuition for all the situations I was facing at that time.

Fast forward to now and I’m feeling pretty good about my choices. There’s no guarantee that everything will continue to be how it is but I know I have no regrets. I’m a firm believer in divine timing and everything happening for a reason. I just want to live in the moment, savour the good times and smile.

The Easter weekend was one that made me smile the most. I took a self-care day on Friday, my girlfriend made the cutest little selfcare list for me. I had a little girls night out with my bestfriend. We went to a restaurant by the dock and drank a bit. My guy bestfriend came over on Easter Sunday and we drank wine then vibe to Drake. We love to talk about our feelings with Drake blasting. My girlfriend and I hopped on a video call and she made me laugh a whole lot on Easter Monday. I felt truly happy and the feeling just hasn’t left.

The simple things in life should be treasured

Girl In Her Twenties

God has been good to me and I don’t let it go unnoticed. I thank him every opportunity I get. He has constantly shown me that I need to be hopeful through the storm because he has better days ahead for me.

I wanna change the narrative, lets talk about happy things. It’s Saturday night, what’s making you happy this week? Let me know in the comments.

I Read a BOOK!

When did I write I Need to Read More? A month ago, maybe two. After posting that blog I decided to reach out to an author that I’ve been following on Instagram for a hot minute. I told her I’d love to review her books and she was kind enough to refer me to her publicist who sent the books within a week.

If you’ve been reading my blog then you know This Close To Okay has been on my reading list for a longggggg time. When I finally got it, I just sat and admired the book for a hot minute. Honestly, it is truly one of the best hardcover books I’ve seen. The book jacket is BEAUTIFUL, I think it’s the orange vibe that has me captivated. It lights up my room and I can’t help but stare at it from time to time. Add dye my hair bright orange to my list of things to do.

A Simple Life

The extraordinary and probably the revolutionary were spaces my thoughts always occupied for as long as I’ve known myself. I admired the work and leadership of people like Nelson Mandela and wanted to be just like him. I have a very unique name and felt I had to do unique things to live up to it.

I never wanted to succumb to the mundane or just be ordinary. I feared such an existence and thought it would be the worst thing to ever happen to me but woe how the times have changed.

People of the internet, I desire a simple life. Yes, you’ve read correctly. I DESIRE A SIMPLE LIFE.

Can you believe that? It took me a while to swallow that pill but when I did, I wonder why it took so long in the first place. After age 20 or 21, I think I started experiencing more. More lessons gave me more knowledge. All that knowledge made me more self-aware and gave me food for thought as I tried to decipher life and my purpose. I soon started to recognize the things that made me really happy and the things that actually mattered to me.

I saw this post while scrolling on Instagram and knew I had to include it in the blog.

I’m okay with having a career that brings me small joys, provides good financial support, makes me happy to spend 8 hours there and helps others in some way. I’m okay with a life that includes my own house, a car to take late night drives while listening to my faves. A life with a romantic relationship that reminds me unconditional love exist and both of us are deserving of it. A life filled with amazing lifelong friends paving their own way, friendship dates and vacations in places we once thought impossible. A life where my family is healthy, happy and high on togetherness.

A life where I’m finding more of myself and trusting God. I’m loving, kinder and healing towards myself. Letting generational hurt go and welcoming all the things I deserve. Sharing my many thoughts on a personal blog. A life where I’m donating my time, efforts, money to making even the smallest of difference like baking a cake for a fundraiser towards a worthy cause.

I’m okay with a simple life. The mundane doesn’t scare me anymore. I still admire the persons doing the big stuff but I understand now that everyone has their role to play. Whether it is big or small, it’s crucial to existence and life as we know it.

Happy Sunday everyone 💕

Work/Life Balance . . . I GOT A JOB!

A few months ago, I wrote about how being unemployed sucked and being at home was starting to make me weary

Well beautiful people of the internet, I got a job!

Change is Good BUT . . .

I feel like I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again. I’m not apprehensive to change but I’m not exactly welcoming to it either. Sometimes I struggle to adjust and I know I’m not the only person who’s like that. There’s a reason why it’s called the comfort zone . . . it’s comfortable.

MIA But Doing GREAT!

Okay so great is an exaggeration. I’m doing good, feeling better. More myself honestly. I’m more present and less in my mind which is a blessing for me. It all feels good like inhaling fresh air from an open space.