Intentional Dating at 23

Intentional Dating at 23

It’s been a hot little minute since I’ve done a relationship/dating post. I know you guys love to read them as much as I enjoy writing them so here’s the first one for 2022.

I practice intentional dating

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Relationship Advice. . . KEEP IT PRIVATE!

Relationship Advice. . . KEEP IT PRIVATE!

Photo credit: We Heart It

I’ve always felt like the type of person that would get married, tell no one and just keep on living normally. Outside opinions and perceptions can be detrimental to relationships and even marriages from my point of view. There is a Jamaican saying, “too many cooks spoil the pot (meal)”, I believe this especially with social media being so prevalent in this day and age.

The need to ‘share’ is almost impulsive thanks to social media. . .

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Maybe I’m a Little Upset; A Rant About Men

Maybe I’m a Little Upset; A Rant About Men

GIPHY

Honestly, I haven’t been going out of my way to interact or flirt with men since my maybe a relationship isn’t for me post, if you aren’t in my circle of male friends or the Spanish language exchange guy from Interpals then there is a 99.999% chance I won’t break my neck to converse with you. I don’t detest men (had to say it before you thought about it), I just can’t deal with the disappointment some carry around with them then dump on you, an innocent burden-less bystander.

One thing for sure, two things for certain, a man will find a way to disappoint you.

Girl in Her Twenties

It was Monday afternoon, I was checking my emails on my computer when I saw an email from Facebook, it was letting me know someone had messaged me which I found weird. I don’t have Facebook messenger because I don’t really use Facebook that often so what would be the purpose of messenger I always reasoned, that and I’m fearful of depleting my 130 GB phone storage (feel free to laugh but my last phone taught me a hard lesson).

The message was from a guy I went to college with, let’s call him “Sin”. He was basically saying he saw me last week Tuesday and he said hi but he wasn’t sure if I heard or saw him then he sent the eye emoji message on Monday. I can’t lie, I saw the person that Tuesday but they were far away in a jeep and my eyesight is awful (I’m nearsighted) so I didn’t know who it was exactly so I pretended I didn’t see. Anyways, I told him I didn’t know it was him (I didn’t feel the need to overexplain so I didn’t), he complimented me saying I still look really good and haven’t changed physically since college. I made a few jokes and we started conversing for the next 3 or so days.

I had a crush on Sin during my second semester of college because we were in the same elective class but we were always casual, our interactions have always been “smiles, hi, smiles, how are you?, smiles and see you around, smiles“. We never passed each other without greeting one another, I never pushed it because I wasn’t sure if he liked me since he was always quiet around me; he was cute so I just stuck to admiring him.

Our 3 day conversation brought back those hallway memories of him in a midnight blue football jersey and jeans with his polite greetings and for a moment my interest felt like it was re-peaking but then he never responded to my message and it’s been a whole day!

Now, I’m upset because we were having a conversation, it wasn’t an “are you good?” “yes I’m okay, you?” thing, it was an actual conversation with dialogue and he never responded midway! I’m not sending no eye emoji or asking him why he left the conversation midway even though I want to (I blame having a male bestfriend for this, I sometimes forget I’m a woman and I have to let them chase and not actively pursue them sometimes). Mentally I’ve been screaming, why did you initiate a conversation you had no intentions of finishing, that’s stupid, my fingers really want to type that as a message.

Whenever he chooses to respond, I will be the smaller person and leave his message on seen so he can know I read it and have no intentions of responding. A part of me thinks, he thinks I intentionally ignored his messages so he continued the conversation to do it back to me, honestly that would be stupid of him again because I genuinely didn’t see the message until a week later by pure chance.

This is probably bad karma for not liking the boys that like me, in my defense I like mutual interest (both of us liking each other) lol.

I might do a part 2 if anything funny/interesting happens, stay tune lovely readers. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

TANGERINE DREAM; A Poem

TANGERINE DREAM; A Poem

Photo source: Freepik

This poem was inspired by the song ‘Tangerine Dream’ by Snoh Aalegra, tangerine dream in my opinion is the happily ever after you want that never happens, it’s when our minds entertain thoughts that reality can’t maintain which eventually leads to disappointment or worse heartbreak.

Girl in Her Twenties
Poem by me
Falling in Love Vs Standing (Growing) in Love

Falling in Love Vs Standing (Growing) in Love

Photo source: Tiny Buddha

The instant, intense and whirlwind version of love has always appealed to me, that’s what I consider as ‘falling in love’ while growing in love is more steady and intimate, it’s taking your time to learn and understand the simple and intricate small and big parts of your partner.

Girl in Her Twenties

Maybe it’s the Leo in me or a personal trait inherited from an ancestor but falling passionately in love has always been both intoxicating and captivating for me; it’s my preferred version of love or at least it was. Don’t be concerned, my last relationship didn’t render me completely emotionally unavailable, however, I do think throwing caution to the wind ain’t a bad idea.

Recently my best friend said to me he’s taking his time with his new relationship, he’s growing in love instead of falling in it and I thought “darn after so many fast & furious, crash and burn relationships, would growing in love be such a bad thing”, I didn’t bother to answer my thoughts because I wanted to write about it.

Then there was a quote on Instagram that said being understood is the rarest form of intimacy and I completely agree, this ties into the whole growing in love concept I have (let me explain). I don’t believe someone can instantly understand you or vice versa, there is instant connection for sure but being understood takes time, falling in love from my point of view doesn’t offer that time, maybe because it is an incontrollable tornado to me.

It’s a different feeling being understood, it’s a game changer in a relationship and I believe it’s best achieved through the growing in love approach.

Photo source: iStock Photos

It’s not a bad thing to fall in love and it’s not a boring thing to grow in it either, you can mix the two and get the best of both worlds like Hannah Montana if you can.

Whenever I become emotionally available, I would like to venture down the growing in love path just to see how it feels, I assume it would be slow like planting a seed and patiently waiting on it to grow but it would be worth it when the seed breaks the soil and starts flourishing.

Tell me about your love experiences, have you ever fell in love or grew in love? What was the outcome?

Maybe a Relationship Isn’t for Me

Maybe a Relationship Isn’t for Me

Photo source: The Atlantic

I’m single again, technically I’ve been single for almost 4 months now, but I’ve been trying to process and unpack a lot of things privately before attempting to write about it on my blog. Like I’ve always said I know I’m truly healed from an experience when I’m able to talk about it and well I feel healed and ready to write.

I have finally accepted that I have too many broken relationships with men, in some situations they or I lacked the ability to effectively communicate with each other (we weren’t properly speaking or listening to each other), in others we just weren’t compatible sexually, emotionally or even mentally enough to last the test of time. Shit happens, things fall apart but it’s all for a reason.

I won’t play the blame game because I don’t think I’ll gain anything from being right and assigning the villain role to my exes, instead I focus on holding myself accountable and figuring out, how do I move forward and learn from this experience.

At this particular moment in time, I don’t want to date or be in a relationship.

Girl In Her Twenties

I don’t hate men, nor am I oppose to being in a relationship or forming an intimate connection with someone, but it isn’t a priority for me. I was trying to manifest love 2 months after my break-up, but I realize I don’t want it at this moment in time for many reasons. My life right now is centered around further discovering more of myself, spending time with my mom (we’ve finally mended our relationship and we are in a good place), spending time with my close friends (I want to have more quality time with them, being in a relationship takes away from this) and I truly want to focus on a career and residing where the money resides.

If I happen to find love, then that’s good but I won’t be going out of my way to find it at this moment in time.

No relationships, no situationships but maybe a summer sneaky link, somebody play Girls Need Love Remix by Summer Walker for me please.

Girl In Her Twenties

A few options have presented themselves, one of those options align with the mindset I’m currently in and if it does happen then I’ll definitely be writing about it, even if it’s a bad experience.

If you aren’t in a relationship right now, don’t feel bad about it and don’t feel as if you need to be in one. A relationship doesn’t define you and yes, I know companionship is wonderful, it fills voids that solitude can’t and offers feelings and comfort that being single doesn’t provide but it’s not the end of the world if you aren’t in a relationship. THE RIGHT CONNECTION & VIBE WILL FIND YOU WHEN IT’S TIME SO BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF AND LOVE WHAT YOU HAVE GOING ON WITH YOU UNTIL THAT PERSON FINDS YOU.

Photo source: Unknown
Vulnerability . . .

Vulnerability . . .

Photo source: Character Lab

Hiding and heavily guarding the parts of me I don’t want to reveal in relationships are probably my super power or defense mechanism (super powers sound cooler so let’s run with that). I only show the parts I want them to see, the parts that are easier to handle and less burdensome because people claim they will love every version of you hidden away but in reality, when they get a slight glimpse they run for the hills or swim the Atlantic Ocean to escape. Nobody really wants to deal with your mood disorders, depression or your weird tendencies that only you understand . . . well at least that’s what I thought.

I live in my head 95% of the time, I was an only child for 18 years so I’ve always made my imagination my best friend and I spent years making sure I was happy with myself. Learning self-love wasn’t easy but I grasp the concept and I’ve been giving myself all the love others couldn’t while still giving others more love than they deserve. However, the thing with self-love is once it settles, it brings along defense mechanisms because it wants to protect you at all cost.

Lately I’ve been spending my weekends hiding away in human arms that make me feel free and vulnerable, it’s weird because my imperfections, insecurities and tempestuous overthinking mind feels at ease. I feel understood, I don’t feel the need to overexplain myself because those arms and the mind that controls them understands and accepts me.

This type of intimacy with someone else makes me cry and it doesn’t help that I have this Karol G song stuck in my head; my soul feels exposed. . . fragile. . . free. . . trusting

I put the ‘D’ in difficult asf but I think it’s because no one has ever taken the time out to understand me or study me so they could see I’m just protective of myself but now everything is open for him to view and he’s not running.

I don’t know whether to close the box and run away before it’s really too late or allow myself to stay open.

Being vulnerable is a weird feeling . . .

NO HABLO ESPAÑOL: DATING WITH A LANGUAGE BARRIER

NO HABLO ESPAÑOL: DATING WITH A LANGUAGE BARRIER

DISCLAIMER: I have both English and Spanish translations in this blog because I want to be inclusive since I’m writing about both languages. Also, I used DeepL to translate my English text to Español for the blog.

Never say never should be my new motto from now on because I used to swear up and down that I could never seriously date someone whose native language wasn’t English. Maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of 90 Day Fiancé because Paul and Karine didn’t set the bar high for a language barrier relationship or I’m extremely terrified of being misunderstood and I don’t want to say the right thing and when translated it is interpreted badly.

Nunca digas nunca debería ser mi nuevo lema a partir de ahora porque solía jurar hasta la saciedad que nunca podría salir en serio con alguien cuya lengua materna no fuera el inglés. Tal vez he visto demasiados episodios de 90 Day Fiancé porque Paul y Karine no pusieron el listón muy alto para una relación con barrera lingüística o es que me aterra enormemente que me malinterpreten y no quiero decir lo correcto y que al traducirlo se interprete mal.

In high school, I would flirt around with Dominicano boys, but it was never anything serious; I always knew my limit and made sure I didn’t across flirty waters and enter serious quicksand but as we know the only constant thing in life is change and my serendipity moment proved that!

En el instituto, coqueteaba con chicos dominicanos, pero nunca era nada serio; siempre conocía mi límite y me aseguraba de no cruzar las aguas del coqueteo y entrar en arenas movedizas serias, pero como sabemos, lo único constante en la vida es el cambio, ¡y mi momento de serendipia lo demostró!

I SERIOUSLY DATED A DOMINICANO MAN . . . It has been a nice change if I’m being completely honest and there is a drastic difference between him and English men. Let me start off by saying he does speak English, but he is still learning and that is something I admire about him. His English is better than my Spanish because no hablo bien español, pero yo entienda cuando los demás hablan (un poco). His Spanish accent is thick (sexy too) and sometimes he prefers speaking in his native language when we are texting or talking at home to both help me learn more and to make himself more comfortable.

YO SALÍ EN SERIO CON UN DOMINICANO . . . Ha sido un buen cambio si soy completamente honesta y hay una diferencia drástica entre él y los hombres ingleses. Permítanme comenzar diciendo que él habla inglés, pero todavía está aprendiendo y eso es algo que admiro de él. Su inglés es mejor que mi español porque no hablo bien español, pero yo entiendo cuando los demás hablan (un poco). Su acento español es muy marcado (sexy también) y a veces prefiere hablar en su lengua materna cuando nos mandamos mensajes o hablamos en casa tanto para ayudarme a aprender más como para sentirse más cómodo.

One of the things I’m thankful for is learning a second language in high school is kind of mandatory so you pick Spanish or French and you learn it until you graduate; I picked Spanish so I’m not completely clueless. I’m just nervous about speaking it in public but when I’m drunk, I’m more confident (liquid courage I guess).

Una de las cosas que agradezco es que el aprendizaje de un segundo idioma en el instituto es algo obligatorio, así que eliges el español o el francés y lo aprendes hasta que te gradúas; yo elegí el español, así que no estoy completamente despistada. Sólo me pone nerviosa hablarlo en público, pero cuando estoy borracha me siento más segura (supongo que por el valor líquido).

There have been a lot of moments where I’ve said something and he didn’t understand and vice versa; this used to frustrate me until I realized that Spanish isn’t a complicated language, English is. So, when I’m translating something to make it easier, I make sure I’m phrasing it in the most basic of English, does that make sense? If you are a native English speaker then you know we love to overexplain and make our sentences as wordy as possible so whoever we are speaking to understands what we are trying to say. For a native Spanish speaker that might be unnecessary because Spanish is a language that is simple and just flows so just say what you need them to know.

Ha habido muchos momentos en los que he dicho algo y él no lo ha entendido y viceversa; esto solía frustrarme hasta que me di cuenta de que el español no es un idioma complicado, el inglés sí. Así que, cuando estoy traduciendo algo para hacerlo más fácil, me aseguro de que lo estoy redactando en el inglés más básico, ¿tiene sentido? Si eres un hablante nativo de inglés, sabrás que nos encanta sobreexplicar y hacer nuestras frases lo más extensas posible para que quien sea que esté hablando entienda lo que estamos tratando de decir. Para un hablante nativo de español eso puede ser innecesario porque el español es un idioma que es simple y fluye, así que sólo di lo que necesitas que sepan.

I don’t know how it goes with languages like Dutch, French, German, or even Asian languages but that’s my rule of thumb ‘just say what you need them to know’ and this goes for when you are translating a sentence from your native language to their language or even when you are verbally saying something to them.

No sé cómo funciona con idiomas como el neerlandés, el francés, el alemán o incluso los idiomas asiáticos, pero esa es mi regla general: “sólo di lo que necesitas que sepan”, y esto vale para cuando traduzcas una frase de tu idioma nativo a su idioma o incluso cuando les digas algo verbalmente.

Photo source: unknown

I’m trying to relearn Spanish because I love languages and I’m hoping to master Spanish then move on to learning others!
Have you ever dated someone who spoke a different language than you? Did you attempt to learn their language? Tell me, I want to know!

Estoy intentando volver a aprender español porque me encantan los idiomas y espero dominar el español para luego pasar a aprender otros.
¿Has salido alguna vez con alguien que hablara un idioma diferente al tuyo? ¿Intentaste aprender su idioma? Cuéntame, ¡quiero saberlo!

I’ve Never Tried Online Dating

I’ve Never Tried Online Dating

It’s the God honest truth wonderful people of the Internet, I have never tried online dating but I know what it is because I’ve seen the dating apps on Instagram and watched a few YouTube videos where persons have talked about their experience so I’m not oblivious.

When it comes to me, I can honestly say I only have two real reasons or poor excuses – depends on your outlook – why I’ve never tried online dating:

I’M A SUPERSTITIOUS JAMAICAN!

Let’s indirectly blame my numerous summer vacations spent in the countryside with my grandma and her superstitious mumbo jumbo ways that clearly rubbed off on me.

Don’t laugh at me but I’ve always thought something bad would happen if I tried, I don’t know what that bad would be nor how devastating its effects would have on me; I just keep thinking it’s gonna end badly. Being superstitious is a big part of Jamaican culture so if you feel dubious about something then we believe it’s a good reason to not do it.

However, the feeling is probably fear because this is something that is WAYYYYYY out of my cozy comfort zone.

THE REPUTATION ONLINE DATING HAS GARNERED IN THE CARIBBEAN.

Source: Tenor

In the beautiful Caribbean isles, if you tell a friend you are thinking about online dating they would probably tell you ‘you’re not that desperate’, ‘you are definitely gonna get catfished’ or just plain and straight ‘don’t try it, anuh every style fit cow’. That saying simply means every trend and style isn’t suited for you.

The idea of looking desperate in the eyes of family and friends along with the slight possibility of being tricked by someone who doesn’t have the balls to show his real self, made online dating unappealing to me.

However, things and time are changing folks and the current state of my dating life is not looking good with the few undesirable suitors in my midst. I’m starting to think my next potential mate might not even be in my area code, that thought is appealing.

Maybe online dating wouldn’t be so bad . . . maybe

Have you ever tried online dating? I’d love to hear your experience and success rate in the comments below.

A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

Photo source: Pinterest

A man doesn’t have to compare me to a summer’s day like Shakespeare did in 1609 but love letters, poetry, romantic dates and sweet gestures appeal to my inner hopeless romantic.

I’ve been this way since a classmate introduced me to the world of Mills & Boon and Harlequin in grade 7 (huge shout out to Rolvanna, thank you!) I’ve been hooked ever since. Soon I went from reading romance novels to watching romance films; my favourite films are from the 80’s, 90’s and early 2000’s. If you name a popular romance movie, I’m sure I’ve watched it! Now you can call me a lunatic or a fool but I embrace being a hopeless romantic.

A hopeless romantic has a larger heart than others, being more prone to a broken heart then the regular person. They are in love with the idea of being loved and loving back. They are NOT made for today’s standards, as they believe in the little things about true love, fairy tales, and chivalry, and truly believe that there is only one person out there for them. They get attached quickly, but they are genuinely the best boy/girl friend you could have. They are loving, caring people who give their 100%, expecting full return.

Elizabethh Roosee – Urban Dictionary (the definition is accurate except I have a selective attachment mentality)

I believe in falling in love, soul mates and all the things that might make some people barf. I’ll surprise you by saying I don’t believe in happy endings because ‘boy meets girl, they fall in love, hit a rough patch then fix it and regain that happiness again’ is only a book or movie ending. In the real world relationships, marriages and even situationships require a lot more effort to keep afloat and I’m not naïve to that fact.
Now dating as a hopeless romantic as yield a lot of disappointment for me yet here I am still a firm believer in love and that somewhere out there in this great big world there is a man who has been created and designed specifically for me and I for him, unbelievable right?

Source: Tenor

Yet, I believe it though, maybe that belief system will wither and die if the years progress and we (him and I) never find each other then I’ll probably spend my older years singing ‘I’m single by choice’ just to make myself feel better or we’ll meet each other and tackle the good and the bad one day at a time.

I’m tired of settling for less when I know I deserve more. I’m not asking for too much, I think I’m just asking the wrong person. I’m also tired of hearing that smart girls like me will flourish in education and a career but will be unlucky in love, why?

I want to share my most intimate parts, life achievements, disappointments and curveballs with someone who is my equal and vice versa. I want to have it all: family and friends, a good career, a couple degrees and a partner with a good character. Am I foolish for thinking this way? I don’t think so