Maybe I’m Happy

Maybe I’m Happy

Usually I don’t like talking or writing about my feelings when I’m very happy. There’s this fear in me that I’ll jinx myself and end up in misery again. But why should we only talk about the bad stuff? I want to smile in the places I once cried so here’s to me smiling.

3 weeks ago I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. I wanted to make the best decisions but I wasn’t sure if I had the guts for all that glory. I’m being vague but I don’t want this post to be long. I’ll probably try to write individual posts for the different situations (fingers crossed). Anyways I chose to have guts, faith in God and trust my intuition for all the situations I was facing at that time.

Fast forward to now and I’m feeling pretty good about my choices. There’s no guarantee that everything will continue to be how it is but I know I have no regrets. I’m a firm believer in divine timing and everything happening for a reason. I just want to live in the moment, savour the good times and smile.

The Easter weekend was one that made me smile the most. I took a self-care day on Friday, my girlfriend made the cutest little selfcare list for me. I had a little girls night out with my bestfriend. We went to a restaurant by the dock and drank a bit. My guy bestfriend came over on Easter Sunday and we drank wine then vibe to Drake. We love to talk about our feelings with Drake blasting. My girlfriend and I hopped on a video call and she made me laugh a whole lot on Easter Monday. I felt truly happy and the feeling just hasn’t left.

The simple things in life should be treasured

Girl In Her Twenties

God has been good to me and I don’t let it go unnoticed. I thank him every opportunity I get. He has constantly shown me that I need to be hopeful through the storm because he has better days ahead for me.

I wanna change the narrative, lets talk about happy things. It’s Saturday night, what’s making you happy this week? Let me know in the comments.

I’m not Lonely, I’m Alone

I’m not Lonely, I’m Alone

Photo source: Pinterest

This week was filled with impulsive decisions, heavy day drinking, funny friend dates, body positivity and the end of a toxic friendship, I’m still reflecting on everything that has happened and there’s no regret at this moment. I feel oddly comfortable with every good and bad decision I’ve made and I don’t feel the need to overexplain myself. As of late, I’ve been trying to end things peacefully which is a far cry from how I used to close chapters so I’m proud of myself for that.

I finished watching Nappily Ever After on Netflix on Wednesday, the movie not only further increased my desire to cut all my hair off and get that butterfly tattoo I’ve been itching for but the plot and closing song gave me some food for thought. Violet (the main character) thought her hair defined her and in some ways it did but only because she gave her hair power over her life, when she lost all of it she had to start figuring out who the real Violet was and it was quite a journey but she did it!

The closing song ‘Holy’ by Jamila Woods had a lyric that tied everything together for me, “I’m not lonely, I’m alone and I’m holy on my own” which I could relate to, like seriously relate. I feel like I’m on this journey where I’m losing and gaining things, people and environments I once wanted so badly but did not need but didn’t realize this until they were removed from my life.

I’m okay with loving myself and losing things because I’m not lonely, I’m alone.

It’s okay to outgrow the things you taught you would have grown with.

Girl in Her Twenties

I told my ex-friend this week that I’m not upset, I don’t care who is right or wrong, I just want to end this friendship peacefully because it’s clear we are growing at different/separate pace and it’s unhealthy to hinder each other; she is very upset about this.

I’m excited for what’s next in my life, I’m working on more self-love, body positivity and peace of mind, my summer goals are centered around publishing and promoting my book, financial freedom and spending quality time with friends and family while lowkey sneaking in a little summer romance if possible.

I have a lot of big decisions to make this summer and I want to be in the best mental space to do so, growing isn’t so bad after all my lovies.

How’s your weekend going? Did anyone get a butterfly tattoo? LOL

My Dubious State

My Dubious State

Photo source: Unknown

It’s 5:25 a.m. usually I’d be asleep during this time if I’m not binging on Netflix but instead of peaceful slumber, I’m wide awake this morning after 2 back to back nightmares.

To clear my head I decided to read a few blogposts but I’ve read all the recent ones already and Zoewiezoe – professional by day, blogger slayer by night and one of my favourite bloggers – hasn’t written anything witty in the last two days. I hope she’s okay!

So now I’m left with my thoughts and feelings, I’d much prefer peaceful slumber but since I have no choice I’m gonna embrace them and just write it all out then go to bed. Everything feels dubious for me right now (slightly off-topic but dubious has to be a British origin word, the way it sounds just screams Great Britain for me) anyways this dubious feeling probably stems from the huge spike in COVID-19 cases on the island, vaccine administration, temporary unemployment, my disconnected relationship with God, friendship conflicts and my iffy feelings towards someone I don’t wish to discuss because they have deeply hurt me.

I just don’t know how to feel, I don’t know how I’m suppose to act and I don’t know what I’m doing.

I’m neither sinking nor swimming, I’m not taking backwards nor forward steps; I’m just not moving. There’s an actual term to describe something like this folks, it’s called neutral buoyancy and it is said that when an object that has neutral buoyancy, it will neither sink nor rise. I feel like an object possessing large amounts of neutral buoyancy right now.

This is when I would get scared because I don’t want my depression to sense my stillness and plan a sneak attack on me but my mind keeps telling me trust God and be still.

I’m going to bed, it’s Sunday and I have clothing items to wash, a bathroom to clean (ugggghhhhh) and maybe dinner to cook sooooo sleep tight everyone! Btw I wrote this post using the WordPress app on my phone, this is my first time doing this usually I’d write on my computer but I thought I’d try it out.