Being Infertile . . . My Ovaries Don’t Like Me

Being Infertile . . . My Ovaries Don’t Like Me

Photo source: Health Magazine

This is a painful one to write and one I would have preferred to leave in the furthest corner of my mind, so I never have to face it. However, it’s starting to bother me again and since this is my personal blog I thought it would be good to write it out, maybe someone is in a similar situation.

In January 2021, I visited the gynecologist for my irregular periods, this was my third or fourth visit but with a new doctor this time around, however, I was complaining about the same problem; my periods were too irregular. I was a late bloomer for puberty, my first period came around age 11 and never returned until age 14, I would bleed for 2 weeks to 3 months straight then wouldn’t see my period again until 6 or so months later until one day, they just stop coming.

One gynecologist said, I was young so my periods would regularize by my 20’s or maybe after having a child whenever that time came around, another said I had a hormonal imbalance and prescribed birth control that only worked for a few months then contributed to a surge in my weight gain. The last gynecologist I visited was a female and she said this is definitely looking like PCOS and my ovaries are refusing to ovulate. . . that was enough to make me cry, for days.

I never had this desire, urge or calling to be a mother, when I was younger I would tell God I didn’t want children, my parents weren’t the best introduction to parenthood for me and I was afraid I’d be a bad mother. It wasn’t until I was home alone during the pandemic that I realize I would like to leave something more personal in this world, more than just college degrees, a house, car or self-published books. The idea of raising a kind-hearted human to use their light to shine through darkness, appealed to me.

However, when the doctor confirmed what I already knew . . . I felt defeated and I really wanted to know why my body didn’t want to do something that was supposed to be basic instinct or natural to it. I’ve been attempting to make lifestyle changes because my doctor advised me that losing weight and other changes can help regulate my periods; I’ve been trying and some progress is being made but is it enough?

Some women with PCOS can have children if they exhaust their resources and options but the risk is high, and the disappointment is even higher if you aren’t able to conceive.; I don’t want that disappoint or feeling like something is wrong with me.

Half of me has accepted the fact that I will never conceive and adoption when the time is right will be my go-to option while the other half of me believes when the right person comes along it will happen for me. This makes the idea of finding a long-term partner more difficult for me because when do you tell someone you can’t have children? On the first date or when y’all are 3 months out of the talking stage?

I don’t want to waste anyone’s time and maybe that’s why I feel so comfortable being single. I’m happy with adoption but what if I never find a partner who shares the same sentiments. I think a lot about these things, my mom is heartbroken, there are moments when I can see it on her face especially since all her sisters are ‘glammas’ as they’ve coined themselves.

Photo source: unknown
Boobs Sagging, Vaginal Health and Other Women Issues

Boobs Sagging, Vaginal Health and Other Women Issues

Photo source: Freepik

There are so many things I have to unlearn, for 22 years I’ve done quite a few things wrong and allowed society to define my existence. I felt that my body needed to be a certain way, my mind (thought process) had to think a certain way and most importantly I felt like I had to conform.

Hay tantas cosas que tengo que desaprender, durante 22 años he hecho bastantes cosas mal y he permitido que la sociedad definiera mi existencia. Sentía que mi cuerpo tenía que ser de una manera determinada, mi mente (proceso de pensamiento) tenía que pensar de una manera determinada y, lo más importante, sentía que tenía que conformarme.

My boobs are sagging which isn’t a surprise to me because I can fit into a size E bra so it’s clear my boobs are huge and gravity won’t hold them up forever so they’ll naturally sag as big breasts are meant to. I think it was a problem because I was worried how I would be perceived physically and sexually but after following Lizzo on Instagram for 3 or so months I had to ask myself why should I care?

Mis pechos se están cayendo, lo cual no es una sorpresa para mí porque me cabe un sujetador de la talla E, así que está claro que mis pechos son enormes y la gravedad no los mantendrá para siempre, así que se caerán de forma natural, como se supone que deben hacer los pechos grandes. Creo que era un problema porque me preocupaba cómo sería percibida física y sexualmente, pero después de seguir a Lizzo en Instagram durante unos 3 meses tuve que preguntarme por qué debería importarme?

This body image idea has been embedded in our minds, that tummies need to be flat, asses with no stretch marks are more physically appealing, clear skin is better and just an overall good physique is preferred. I’M NOT DRINKING THAT KOOL-AID! (Yes, I screamed that part)

Esta idea de la imagen corporal se ha incrustado en nuestras mentes, que las barrigas tienen que ser planas, los culos sin estrías son más atractivos físicamente, la piel clara es mejor y simplemente se prefiere un buen físico en general. ¡NO VOY A BEBER ESE REFRESCO! (Sí, he gritado esa parte)

Bodies both men and women are meant to vary, it’s a candy shop filled with different flavours, shape, colour, lengths, widths and texture of candy. In my opinion, as long as you’re healthy then your body however it looks is just fine honey.

Los cuerpos, tanto de hombres como de mujeres, están destinados a variar, es una tienda de caramelos llena de diferentes sabores, formas, colores, longitudes, anchuras y texturas de caramelos. En mi opinión, mientras estés sano, tu cuerpo, sea como sea, está bien, cariño.

Photo source: Unknown

Vaginal Health Actually Matters

Girl in Her Twenties

I’ve done a lot work when it comes to my mental and physical health, I feel at peace (most of the times), I’m managing my sometimes out of control mood swings and I’m extremely careful about what and how much of certain foods I consume. I’ve lost enough weight and it’s clear my body is on the healthier side and I can say the same about my mental state.

He trabajado mucho en lo que se refiere a mi salud mental y física, me siento en paz (la mayoría de las veces), estoy controlando mis cambios de humor, a veces descontrolados, y soy extremadamente cuidadosa con lo que consumo y la cantidad de ciertos alimentos. He perdido bastante peso y está claro que mi cuerpo está más sano y puedo decir lo mismo de mi estado mental.

But what about the vagina? Nobody really talks about that private part down south, she needs love too so I’ve been focusing on her; call me the goddess of the kit kat.

¿Pero qué pasa con la vagina? Nadie habla realmente de esa parte privada del sur, ella también necesita amor, así que me he centrado en ella; llámame la diosa del kit kat.

As most of you may know the vagina is the opening and isn’t the entire thing, I read somewhere that most women don’t know how to label the vagina (honestly I only knew about 4 or 5 external parts) but I’ve been learning and I want to share.

  1. There is a specific way to wash your feminine parts, this video will explain how and provide a lot more information.
  2. Drinking cranberry juice does help with maintaining a good pH level in the vagina.
  3. Aloe vera is good for ingrown hairs, if you shave and you don’t want a lot of irritation I highly recommend rubbing raw aloe vera over the area, DO NOT PUT IT IN THE VAGINA (I know people who do it but I’m against that because the vagina can clean itself).
  4. I used to do monthly vaginal steams but I’ve stopped, instead I’m doing this apple cider vinegar and warm water thingy and it’s working how I want it to. You just combine warm water with 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar in pail or bucket and sit in it for 11-15 minutes.
  5. Wear cotton panties because she needs to breathe.
  6. Drink lots of water.
  7. This last one sounds weird but treat it with TLC because it’s an important body part.

I’m not a gynecologist, I’m only sharing tips that seem to work, feel free to share anymore if you have any.

Como la mayoría sabréis la vagina es la abertura y no lo es todo, leí en algún sitio que la mayoría de las mujeres no saben etiquetar la vagina (sinceramente yo solo conocía unas 4 o 5 partes externas) pero he ido aprendiendo y quiero compartirlo.

  1. Hay una forma específica de lavar tus partes femeninas, este vídeo te explicará cómo y te dará mucha más información.
  2. Tomar jugo de arándanos ayuda a mantener un buen nivel de pH en la vagina.
  3. El aloe vera es bueno para los vellos encarnados, si te afeitas y no quieres mucha irritación te recomiendo mucho frotar aloe vera crudo sobre la zona, NO LO PONGAS EN LA VAGINA (conozco gente que lo hace pero estoy en contra de eso porque la vagina puede limpiarse sola).
  4. Yo solía hacer vapores vaginales mensuales pero he dejado de hacerlo, en su lugar estoy haciendo esta cosa de vinagre de sidra de manzana y agua tibia y está funcionando como yo quiero. Solo tienes que combinar agua tibia con 2 cucharadas de vinagre de sidra de manzana en un cubo o balde y sentarte en él durante 11-15 minutos.
  5. Usa bragas de algodón porque necesita respirar.
  6. Bebe mucha agua.
  7. Esto último suena raro pero trátalo con TLC porque es una parte importante del cuerpo.

No soy ginecóloga, sólo comparto consejos que parecen funcionar, no dudes en compartir más si tienes alguno.