My Life is a Beautiful MESS!

My Life is a Beautiful MESS!

Photo credit: Wallpaper Access

My life could be worse but at the same time it could be a lot better. I’m counting my blessings and giving thanks but I can’t help but feel annoyed with the not-so-great parts of my life.

Honestly, this version of myself is probably the best since my 23 years of existence on this planet. I’ve been enjoying my own company and genuinely being kinder and more patient with myself.

I have the best and most supportive group of friends who I love to death and hope to have in my life for the rest of my life. My current relationship is by far the healthiest one I’ve ever been in and I’m manifesting, keeping my fingers crossed and praying to God that she will be my last – if she isn’t then be prepared for countless blogs about heartbreak and my immense displeasure with romantic relationships.

My family is good, everyone is safe and sound. Everyone is going through their own thing but they are doing good. This is something I’m not taking for granted especially since my grandfather passed. Even God and I are in alignment (finally). Our connection has been strengthening and I trust him a lot more than I did in the last few years.

So why am I annoyed by the not-so-great parts?

I know nothing is wrong with seeing the good and bad, it is realistic to do so. However, I am too aware of the bad, it is always apparent and there are days when it steals my joy. The days when it does I feel sad or thought consumed. Today is kind of one of those days – it’s half and half.

I sent two job applications out today because I’ve been unemployed for 7 MONTHS! I counted this morning, I shouldn’t have but I did anyway and putting a number to my unemployment struggle has me feeling not-so-great. I don’t even want to count how many job applications I’ve sent in those 7 months, email responses I’ve received and job interviews I’ve been on. I am that frustrated.

A good job would make my life a little better. I could finally start saving, seeing the therapist I want to, be more financially independent and start living the 20 something life I’ve been manifesting and talking to God about.

I see the beautiful parts and smile. I see the messy parts and I’m conflicted on whether I should frown or smile, sometimes I do both or just one. Like I said, I am frustrated but I’m also patient so I’m patiently frustrated.

If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.

– Masaru Emoto, Secret Life of Water

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